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Over a dog?
Photo credit: State Library of New South Wales collection
I arrived at Flowers this morning and knew from the look on her face that she thought it was time. Flower is my 100-year-old aunt, and Gina is her little dog that has been on death’s door for weeks. She has gotten skinnier and quieter by the week. Finally today she couldn’t walk. I knew Flower wanted me to tell her what to do, because it was a different look than last week when I knew she knew what to do but wasn’t ready. So I called the Vet and we sat and cried together as her faithful companion fell asleep for the last time.
“Do you think Frisky was waiting for her?” I blubbered, wiping snot from my nose with my sleeve. Before she answered she reached over to grab me a tissue and gave me a look like “Why would you use your sleeve when the tissues are right here!” Then she wiped the tears, looked at me with her sad eyes and said, “I hope so.”
We took Gina home. Of course it began to drizzle as I went in back to dig the hole. “No!” she said. “It can wait!” I carried the poor dog into the vet. It already smelled so there was no way it was staying in the house any longer then it had to. “You sit with her Auntie. I will go get her spot ready next to Frisky.” So I dug and we put her to rest next to her friend Frisky who passed last year.
We sat drinking tea quietly. “Do you still miss Sarge?” she asked. He was my dog, my protector and my friend. I teared up, and than she teared up as I replied. “I miss him more than I thought I ever would.” I contemplated my response. I thought of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets. “Over a dog!” he said. Then it occurred to me. “Auntie, I think I know why dogs might be harder to lose then people.” She immediately asked why. “Because most dogs aren’t mean. I think it’s that simple.” She nodded in agreement. “No, most dogs aren’t mean,” she responded. A thought popped into my head and I began laughing. “What is it?” she asked. I gathered myself and shared my epiphany. “They can’t talk!” I said still laughing. “If they could we might be thinking of all of the things they said to piss us off rather than about how they were so loyal and loving and protective. Maybe that’s the ticket. I should quit looking for that someone to share my life with and move on to that something, namely a dog!”
We both laughed and cried over that realization, but the truth in it is sobering. A dog is loyal and even if they are not happy with us, the words that might be uttered are not. And I can’t help but think. Would I have left the person I loved had words not been spoken? Have I driven others away with mine?
Maybe we need to take a cue from the canine community? Maybe we need to learn from man’s best friend!
Peace,
Warren
Speaking of Jennifer Aniston…
Jennifer Aniston at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It seems that Jennifer Aniston has finally found her happily ever after, and I must say, I’m more than just a little bit relieved.
Over the decades, I’ve followed her love life with morbid curiosity. I’ve watched as she’s fallen madly in love and been dumped by some of the world’s most eligible bachelors, very publicly and very unceremoniously.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wondering why- the incredible legs, the hair, the perfectly sculpted nose, the fabulous career, and the golden skin. To boot, the press describes her as the definitive girl next door, although I’ve never had a neighbor quite that successful or attractive, THANK GOD.
And despite all these pluses, she can’t keep a man to save her life. Pitt, the most memorable of dumpers, tired of her in short order. Then he ran around telling the press how boring she was whilst romping around on the big screen with Jolie well before papers were even served. Ouch.
And speaking of Jolie, how on earth do you compete with her? The babies, the making out with the brother thing, the tats, the vials of blood, the oozing sex appeal- I shudder to think.
If Aniston can’t keep a man, who am I to think I can do any better? And talking about her is much easier than talking about the real elephant in the room- VULNERABILITY.
I don’t like to watch Aniston get dumped because it makes me feel vulnerable. And I don’t like to feel vulnerable. It’s icky.
But absolutely necessary. Brene Brown, a social worker and leading researcher of human connection and vulnerability, believes that we are hard-wired to seek connection and that an inability to do so is at the heart of dysfunction. To have meaningful connections, we must develop a strong sense of self-worth rooted in the ability to be vulnerable. Ugh.
Quite simply, those who have a keen sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of it, period. This psychic sufficiency allows the courage to be imperfect and therefore completely authentic. And being authentic is the only way to build meaningful connections.
These genuine and courageous folks have a unique way of looking at vulnerability. They approach it with complete neutrality, neither good nor bad, but as essential as breathing air. They make the first move, take risks, and ask for help because they understand that vulnerability is vital to developing strong relationships.
I’ve had my moments. I was courageous and true when it came to pursuing a relationship with my husband, knowing intuitively that he was the one for me. I took a risk and asked Kathleen to start a blog with me understanding somehow that she and I would fit perfectly.
But then I have days when I feel like I just can’t take another risk, open myself up to hurt, and I sit and wonder where all the courage ran off to.
And that’s when I’m most grateful to be surrounded by people who remind me that I can be scared and courageous at the same time and that’s okay. That’s who I am. And being honest about it will strengthen those connections.
Thanks for your support- it’s an honor to share this space with you!
Love,
Becky
Here’s Brene Brown’s TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability. Well worth the 20 minutes and 20 seconds!
