We are not talking about superficially things here, like holding the door open for you or picking up the check at dinner. What is it that you need in order to feel peaceful and at ease in a particular relationship?
Some are confused when trying to answer this question.
For me it has become easy. I pay attention to my internal clock.
If someone seems to be consistently working my last nerve, I am obviously not getting what I require and need to set a boundary. If in my mind I am grabbing their head, ripping it off their body, and drop kicking it, I need to get myself in check! So, if you are
- Yelling at the kids
- Snapping at your significant other
- Bitching about a co-worker
- Honking the horn way too much
- Complaining to every service provider you encounter
- Any other situation that you are not happy with the way you’re acting
Take a look at yourself and know you require something different.
Try and identify very specifically what that something is. Is it peace and quiet, compliance, respect, or action? Remember, you need to know what you can and can’t control. As much as it may frustrate you sometimes, the answer is YOU and YOU only.
What are some boundaries you have set that have freed your mind? Please share by commenting below!
Kathleen: This week you spoke about changing your perspective in order to change the way you see a difficult situation. I have had success with this, but usually it takes some time. For example, seeing people who have hurt me in the past as imperfect human beings with there own histories and experiences has helped me forgive and move on. But what if I need to change my perspective on the fly, say when things get heated with my teenaged sons or a coworker, what do you suggest that I do?
Great question! One of the easiest things to do on the fly is take a deep breath in, hold it for 3 to 5 seconds and let it out. If the situation is particularly explosive, repeat the process a few times. Why does this work? First, you can’t talk, scream, or curse while taking a deep breath . Second, physiologically, a deep breath allows more oxygen in, releases carbon dioxide (the toxins within us), and can actually lower your blood pressure. Finally, the deep breath can allow just enough time to regroup and permit that shift in perception to come to consciousness. Even if you can’t bring yourself to the shift right then and there, the deep breath may at least stop you from saying something you cannot get back. So breathe on girlies!