We wish you peace and love.

Fee & Becky

My Dad was my hero, my verbal sparring partner, my confidant and my drinking buddy.  He taught us to be tough, honest, live with integrity, and to love God.  He was a United States Marine.  He grew up in an apartment in the projects in New York.  Having a house was important, so he and my Mom gave us a house, with a yard and a pool.  It wasn’t a big house , but he used to sit on his covered patio with his cigar and Manhattan and survey his “south 40”.   He was proud to Irish Catholic.   He taught us to be very Irish Catholic.  He loved the ocean, and we do too.  He loved all sports, but his favorites were boxing, Notre Dame football and of course, “Da Bears”.  He yelled at the TV so much we got him a T-Shirt that said “Mike Ditka’s Assistant”.  All three of us girls love sports.  He never went to college and all he ever wanted was for the 3 of us to graduate.  We did and he was alive to see it.  He may have sounded like Archie Bunker, but he gave everyone a fair shake, and I mean everyone.  He was passionate, caring, smart, funny, tough and deeply in love with our Mom.

Together they made our house on Davine Drive everybody’s “home”.  Our door was never locked.  Our pool was always was open (subject to Bob Fee’s Pool Rules).  There was a “kitty” to collect for the soda, and the older we got  it was for the beer.  There was always some sort of sporting event on the TV.    Sometimes we would come home and find several friends just waiting for us to get there.  There were parties, dancing, drinking and singing.  And more often than not, you could find my Dad sitting down with one of us helping us find direction (and sometimes it was a lengthy conversation ).   We were lucky.  The strong bonds we formed in that house still exist today. We are blessed.

Everything I did was to make my Dad proud. I needed his direction, his guidance, his support, his encouragement, and his approval.  He was my life compass.  So you can imagine, when he was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 2 months, we had no time to prepare.  I remember Curt distinctly saying to me “I am so sorry.  If anyone needs a Dad it’s you”.  He was right.  I had no idea where to go or what to do. My compass was gone.  We all coped differently, and my coping mechanism was alcohol.   That coping mechanism cost me my family, my job, my health and almost my life.  I know my Dad was with me, trying to guide me back to life.  I was just too drunk to feel it.

August 6, 2002 was the second day my world changed forever, but this day it changed for the miraculous.  The journey in sobriety has brought me so many gifts, but one of the biggest has been the knowledge that my Dad didn’t leave me, he is not gone.  He lives in my heart.  He is proud of the women we have become. He lives in our hearts.   He is happy that my Mom found someone to love, who loves her.  He lives in her heart.  He is so thrilled with his grandchildren and the people they are becoming.  He lives in their heart.  He lives in the lessons he taught, the stories he told, the laughs we shared, the love he gave, the service work he performed, and the lives he touched.  He lives in the stories we tell.  If you knew him, he lives in you too.

I miss my Dad every day and I desperately wish that I could hear his voice, hear his guidance, his jokes and his laugh. Sometimes if I concentrate really hard, I can still hear his laugh.  I often smell cigar and cigarette smoke for no reason.  I know that is him.  Someday we will meet again, and on that day I will know I am home.

Until then….

Fee (that’s from him too)

Wikimedia Commons/Vinayaraj

Speaking of body image, I was more than slightly taken aback when I read that more and more women are having elective vagioplasty.  If you’re not familiar with the term, let me fill you in.  Vagioplasty is “a procedure that aims to tighten up a vagina that’s become slack or loose from vaginal childbirth or aging.”  Think of it as a face-lift for the Cha Cha.

I have to tell you that I’ve been so worried about my ever-expanding ass that I hadn’t even considered that my downtown area might be in need of a major overhaul.

And quite honestly, I don’t want to think about it.  45 years and 3 child-births later, my vagina is what it is.  It’s like an old leather jacket- broken in, soft, and comforting. I’ve always been opened minded to the idea of cosmetic surgery, but to be obsessed with the state of my lady garden seems borderline neurotic.

Carl Jung said, “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” Even one’s vagina.

Well that’s all I’ve got.  Be kind to yourself today!

Becky

Related articles

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Photo credit: Wikipedia

Just a few weeks left and the kids will be home for the summer. Some of you may be looking forward to all of the fun activities you have planned, while others are wondering how in the world you will make it to August without committing a murder/suicide!

Some tips for you Mom’s that you may already know, but probably bear repeating!

• Do not be surprised when your kids act like kids!  Yes, they will fight, whine, complain and sleep. They will say they are bored then argue about not wanting to do the things you plan to keep them busy. That is what kids do, and if you start each day waiting for it you will handle it much better.
• Create some structure.  Have a daily list of tasks for them to complete. Don’t argue about it. Simply let them know nothing else happens if they don’t complete them. Be selfish and choose things that benefit you!
•  Have them make suggestions on activities early on and plan them.  Don’t worry if they all do not want to take part. If you leave one or more to be by themselves or do something else that is fine. Time alone with individual kids is always good for them and you.
•  Always schedule time for you!  You are of no use to anyone else if you are not doing things that re-fuel and feed you! Plan ahead for those things as well, and you will find that you will experience the feelings of resentment less on the days when you do not have a moment to yourself!

Peace,

Warren

Photo credit: Wikipedia

We women are obsessed with our bodies.  Whether it’s our wrinkles or our butts or  our lovely varicose veins, we can’t stop critiquing and trying to improve.  To wit:

• Americans spend more than 40 billion a year on diet and beauty products
• 8 out 10 women are not happy with at least one aspect of their physical appearance
• The average American woman is 5’4″ and 140 pounds
• The average American model is 5′ 11″ and 117 pounds
• The current media ideal of thinness is achieved by less than 5% of the female population

And it gets worse.  We pass along our obsession to the next generation:

• More than 50% of 10-year-old girls wish they were thinner
• 80% of 10-year-old girls have dieted and 90% of high school junior and senior women diet regularly
• Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents

What to do about it?  Here are 3 simple things we can all do to feel better about ourselves in no time:

• Stop the beat-down- Would you ever tell your boss she looked fat in that dress or your friend she had sausage legs?  The answer is probably no, so extend the same courtesy to yourself.  ”Treat yourself as you would treat others, and you’ll find negative thoughts will lessen over time,” explains Leslie Goldman, body image expert.
• Get rid of all the things that make you feel less than- negative friends, fashion mags with photo shopped supermodels, or TV shows that portray unrealistic women with unrealistic lives.
• And most importantly, don’t compare yourself to others.  Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes!

And what can you do for the girls in our lives?

• Compliment them on qualities other than looks.
• Talk about the unrealistic sizes of women in the media.
• Encourage them to get moving and get messy.

How do you help the women around you feel better about themselves?  Please share your strength!

Love,

Becky

Sadness (video game) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Good Morning!

Today is day 16 without my old friend.  I miss her terribly. I still don’t feel good.  I am still up five pounds, and I truly do not understand it, nor am I happy about it. I have made a commitment not to weigh myself until after the triathlon.  I just want a 44 oz fountain coke zero and to be 5 pounds lighter.

I know this will get better.  I know that there will be a day when I won’t think about it.  I know there is a day that I will be happy with this decision, however that day is not today.

Thank you for reading as this is all I could muster today.

Fee

To my sister, Happy Mother’s Day.  I have watched you give everything you have to raise some really amazing children!  You went without, so your kids did not.  You did a great deal of personal work to make sure that you bring your best to them, and you do.  Thank you for sharing them with me.  They are the biggest and brightest spots in my life, and I love them like my own.  You know what that has meant to me.  I am eternally grateful. I love you.

To my cousins, Happy Mother’s Day. Cousins are your first friends, and I watch in awe as my childhood friends have grown into amazing mothers.  Your children are as beautiful, talented and as fun as you are.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of their journey. To my cousins who have only furry kids, thanks for sharing them.  I am a big fan of the furry kind as you well know.  I love you guys!

To my aunts, Happy Mother’s Day.  All of you have brought your unique gifts to our family, and contributed to the people we are today.  Because of your love and guidance, we all turned out pretty good.  Thank you for always being there. I love you.

To my friends, our fantastic readers, Happy Mother’s Day.  I watch and share your journey.  I enjoy each and every story on Facebook, each picture and video of their achievements, and the absolute funny things they say.  Thank you for brightening my day. I love you.

To all the women who have lost children.  There are no words.  I love you.

To all the women who are trying to conceive.  Our diligent prayer is that your much prayed for blessing comes your way soon.  Happy Mother’s Day. We love and support you.

To all women who are pregnant.  We wish you health, safety, love and kindness.  Happy Mother’s Day.  We honor you.

To all the women whose mother is no longer with us here on earth.  Know that she is never, ever that far from you, for she created your heart and that is where she will remain.

To all the women, who like me, the Universe did not grant children.  For all the times we endured those painful words that we are incomplete, that we do not understand the meaning of true love, or we are somehow less because we have not experienced motherhood, may there be peace today.  I know that in our heads and hearts there was never a doubt that we were going to be mothers, but God had other plans.  We are childless mothers.  Happy Mother’s Day to all of you from the child that lives in your soul. I love you.  And to one of you in particular, today I give you a written voice and my eternal friendship.

Finally, to Becky, Happy Mother’s Day.  It’s been an honor to be part of your idea and your life.  This year you shared your beautiful children with us and your family journey.   You truly are one of the most caring mothers on the planet.   Thank you for everything!  I love you.

Lá na Máithreacha Sona daoibh (Happy Mother’s day),

Kathleen

We know that many of our readers have causes that are near and dear to their hearts.  Many of you are animal lovers and volunteers.  My mother’s favorite cause is breast cancer research, as she is a survivor.  Yay Mom!!!  Yesterday, we wrote how we will walk for cancer next weekend in Georgie Anderson’s honor.

So today’s question…what is your favorite cause and how do you support it? Please feel free to leave as much information as you want, including links and contact information.  Maybe some of us would like to join you!

“From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life.” ~ Arthur Ashe

Fee &  Becky

Her name was Georgie Dressel Anderson.  She was one of the kindest, strongest and bravest women I have ever met.  She was my friend Cori’s mother.  She was the mother of Kristi, Eddie and Matthew too.  She was the wife of Ed, aunt of many, sister of Katie and a grandmother to Tyler, Merri and Dylan.  I only knew her for four short years, but her years made a big impression on me.

Georgie was a cancer survivor, and a proud one at that!  But what she didn’t let on to many was that the radiation treatment that put her cancer in remission, left her with burned insides. She lived in pain and discomfort every day, but she rarely let you see it.  She was strong, and she fought hard. She didn’t give up.

Last year, she assembled a team of people to walk the Living Well 5K Bridge Walk.  I was honored to be on her team.  We were called Georgie’s Girls & Guys.  We walked to celebrate cancer survivors, of which my own mother is one, and to raise money for a facility that she loved.  This year Georgie’s Girls & Guys will walk again, and we will walk in her honor.

At last year’s walk, she and I walked at least 1 of the miles together.  We got to talk.  She congratulated me on my sobriety and reminded me that it is a gift and to hold it dear.  She thanked me for things she thought I did well.  She told me stories about her kids and her grandkids.  She smiled and laughed.  She walked in pain.  She finished in pain, but she didn’t give up.  I will miss her this year.

One winter’s morning Cori called me while I was on my run.  I was in a beautiful park and I stopped by the creek to listen to Cori.  Through her tears she told me that Georgie was ready to let go.  Her body was failing, and failing bad.  She knew it was just too broken to hold on to.  She did not give up.  She had to let go, and she did.

I often run through that park, and I always stop and talk to Georgie.  I can feel her there.  I pray and I listen.  One particular day I knew Cori was really struggling, and so was I.  My life was headed in a direction I did not recognize, and I was scared.  So I went running because that is what I do when I don’t know what to do.  And before I knew it, that run took me right to that park.  So I stopped at the creek and asked Georgie for help.  I heard two simple words “let go”.   The same lesson she had taught me at the beginning, she was teaching again.   I heard her spirit say it’s not giving up, it’s letting go.   I cried and I let go.  “Tell Cori to let go”.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you Georgie for sharing your life well lived.

With love and prayers to the Anderson family,

Kathleen (she never called me Fee )

If you are interested in supporting Georgie’s Girls & Guys click here. Come and walk with us!

Photo credit: Wikipedia

In 1914, Congress designated the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day.   To get us pumped up for the special day, I offer you some fun facts about the institution of motherhood:

• There are 85 million moms in the U.S
• 4 million women gave birth last year.
• In 2010, 53% of the women in the U.S. between the ages of 15 and 50 were moms.
• 55% of those moms work outside of the home.
• By the age of 44, 83% of women will have given birth to at least 1 child.

So on Sunday, please take a moment to thank these hard-working and wonderful women for making a difference.

In what special way do you celebrate Mother’s Day?  Please share any fabulous ideas!

Love,

Becky

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• Brief history of Mother’s Day and a look at mothers in the Bible (Photos) (examiner.com)
• Mothers Day Gift Ideas & History. (giftdarbar.wordpress.com)
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