Speaking of Jennifer Aniston…
Jennifer Aniston at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
It seems that Jennifer Aniston has finally found her happily ever after, and I must say, I’m more than just a little bit relieved.
Over the decades, I’ve followed her love life with morbid curiosity. I’ve watched as she’s fallen madly in love and been dumped by some of the world’s most eligible bachelors, very publicly and very unceremoniously.
I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wondering why- the incredible legs, the hair, the perfectly sculpted nose, the fabulous career, and the golden skin. To boot, the press describes her as the definitive girl next door, although I’ve never had a neighbor quite that successful or attractive, THANK GOD.
And despite all these pluses, she can’t keep a man to save her life. Pitt, the most memorable of dumpers, tired of her in short order. Then he ran around telling the press how boring she was whilst romping around on the big screen with Jolie well before papers were even served. Ouch.
And speaking of Jolie, how on earth do you compete with her? The babies, the making out with the brother thing, the tats, the vials of blood, the oozing sex appeal- I shudder to think.
If Aniston can’t keep a man, who am I to think I can do any better? And talking about her is much easier than talking about the real elephant in the room- VULNERABILITY.
I don’t like to watch Aniston get dumped because it makes me feel vulnerable. And I don’t like to feel vulnerable. It’s icky.
But absolutely necessary. Brene Brown, a social worker and leading researcher of human connection and vulnerability, believes that we are hard-wired to seek connection and that an inability to do so is at the heart of dysfunction. To have meaningful connections, we must develop a strong sense of self-worth rooted in the ability to be vulnerable. Ugh.
Quite simply, those who have a keen sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of it, period. This psychic sufficiency allows the courage to be imperfect and therefore completely authentic. And being authentic is the only way to build meaningful connections.
These genuine and courageous folks have a unique way of looking at vulnerability. They approach it with complete neutrality, neither good nor bad, but as essential as breathing air. They make the first move, take risks, and ask for help because they understand that vulnerability is vital to developing strong relationships.
I’ve had my moments. I was courageous and true when it came to pursuing a relationship with my husband, knowing intuitively that he was the one for me. I took a risk and asked Kathleen to start a blog with me understanding somehow that she and I would fit perfectly.
But then I have days when I feel like I just can’t take another risk, open myself up to hurt, and I sit and wonder where all the courage ran off to.
And that’s when I’m most grateful to be surrounded by people who remind me that I can be scared and courageous at the same time and that’s okay. That’s who I am. And being honest about it will strengthen those connections.
Thanks for your support- it’s an honor to share this space with you!
Love,
Becky
Here’s Brene Brown’s TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability. Well worth the 20 minutes and 20 seconds!
Posted on February 19, 2013, in Relationships & Family and tagged Angelina Jolie, Brene Brown, Jennifer Aniston, relationships, self worth, Self-esteem, ted.com, Vulnerability. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.
You know I am a big supporter of Brene Brown. I watch her TED talks everytime I recommend a client to her videos and I swear I learn something new every time I watch it.
To your point of wondering how someone as fabulous as Jennifer Aniston cannot have lasting love– I have come to fully understand that what we see in celebrities is their absolute best day all polshed up and perfect. There is no doubt in my mind that Miss Jennifer has a stock room fully shelved with vulnerabilities and imperfections. She is flesh and blood just like me and you. I see the same thing on Facebook when someone posts a sunshiny status but I am privledged to the real story going on in their life and there is nothing sunshiny about it. As Brene says it took a Breakdown, errr…Spiritual Awakening, for her to get to understand this vulnerability thing. May we all breakdown soon!
I love that, Mary- here’s to our breakdown!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment and support. I always look forward to hearing what you have to say!
Love,
Becky
“Being authentic is the only way to build meaningful connections.” Among the many gems in your blog this is my favorite. It resonates strongly with me because it is the truth with a capital “T.” Until I learned to truly accept myself as the flawed person that I am and embrace those inadequacies, my relationships were rather superficial. Even my marriage was originally built upon a shaky foundation due to my inability to love myself. I am so fortunate that we are still together today, with a newfound strength and a genuine vulnerability that binds us more cohesively. To love deeply is to be vulnerable and to risk that your beloved will accept all that you are, polished and unpolished. I used to envy the “Jennifer’s” of the world but now I realize that they are just people wading through life trying to find their truth, as we all are. Thank you for the reminder!
Your welcome, Vanessa, and thanks for your added wisdom. I love the idea that we don’t have to go it alone and we are wading through this together!
Love,
Becky
It is human nature to compare ourselves to other people who seem to have it all – beauty, power, money – and we want to be just like them because we think their lives are so perfect. The media plays on our insecurities and promotes beautiful stars and models so that we believe there is something wrong with us and then we feel bad about ourselves.
In reality, these so-called perfect people are only beautiful and perfect on the outside, yet inside they have a lot of the same insecurities that we have and they are also comparing themselves to other people. Maybe Jennifer has an inner self that is not nearly as beautiful as her outer self.
I used to compare myself to these beautiful people and put myself down, but now that my self-esteem is stronger, I know that I have value and worth without being perfect. When I do workshops, one of the things we talk about is how to increase self-esteem and one important way is to stop comparing ourselves to other people. What I suggest is that we should compare ourselves to those who have less than we do and be thankful for what we have. Stats say that at least 80% of the world lives below the poverty line and they don’t really care what they look like or what possessions they have. I consider myself very lucky indeed.
We are all valuable in our own way and when we can realize our own self-worth we can connect with others in a positive way. We have to accept our imperfections and stop trying to be perfect in an imperfect world.
Thank you for the great insights! I think it’s important to remember that the world is as imperfect as we are. Great advice!
Love,
Becky
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