Daily Archives: November 1, 2012

My oldest son lives with his Dad.  This is the first time I’ve said it this way, the honest way.

For the past 10 months if anyone asked about him, I would say that he was fine and staying with his dad most of the time.  Which is almost true.

He left for good shortly after we moved to our new house.  He gave the high school a try but after a semester wanted no more of it.  I can’t say that I blame him.  Changing friends and routines during high school, or anytime for that matter, is difficult.

I knew this might happen.  We only moved two towns away, but it may as well be the moon when your 16 and in love for the first time.  So I went about the business of hoping.  I hoped that he wouldn’t want to leave me.  I hoped that he’d meet a girl or make a friend. I hoped that he couldn’t bear to be away from his siblings.  I hoped, and then I hoped some more.

But the day came when he told me that he was unhappy and wanted to go back to his old life.  And the only way he could do this is if he lived with his Dad.  I knew that if I didn’t let him go I’d lose him forever.

If you had told me there was going to be a bright side to this story, I would’ve scratched your eyes out, at least in my head.  My boy was leaving me early.  No more sitting on his bed while he shows me funny YouTube videos.  No more yelling in the morning to get out of bed and the shower and the kitchen.  No more Saturday evening movie watching.  No more telling him to clean his room.  No more.

As it turns out, I have much to be thankful for.  While I miss him dearly, he is with his father who adores him as much as I do, which gives me great comfort.

My ex and I came to this decision jointly and respectfully, a far cry from the days when ordering take out could end in tears.

But most importantly, I’ve developed compassion. Anyone who has been through a divorce (or even lived with a man for a period of time) knows that this is sometimes hard to come by.  I now understand all that he lost.  In the end, it’s the small things we miss.   It must have broken his heart to lose the cartoons, homework, and lazy Saturdays these past years.  Now he has an opportunity to get some of that back, and I’m truly happy for him.

Life is hard.  But in between the difficulties there’s such beauty.  I continue to pray for the willingness to see the good.  I’m finding that if I look hard enough it’s always there.

I hope you find beauty in your world today.

Love,

Becky